How To Access The Secret Menu At Chinese Restaurants

There have been rumors circulating that Chinese restaurants serve dog meat. While these rumors are completely true, the dog meat is not widely available to the public. Chinese food dog meat is the cream of the crop, with a delicious flavor and a wide array of nutritional benefits. It takes a bit of negotiation, but with the right strategy you too can have access to the finest canine delicacies on the market.

1. Establish Trust

No sensible Chinese restaurant owner is going to sell dog meat to the average customer. That's why in order to access the secret menu, you're going to have to slog through tons of regular Chinese food. We recommend stopping in to your restaurant of choice three or four times a week and ordering the exact same meal. While you're there, take some time to chat with the owners so that they'll remember you next time. Whatever you do, don't mention dog meat. It will sabotage your whole plan.

2. Obtain Permission

After a few weeks of returning to the Chinese restaurant, the people there will start to let down their guard. It should be noted that whenever you see an employee eating lunch, it is almost always from the secret canine menu. You'll notice that when you ask the employee what he or she is having, they will hesitate before telling you what it is, and then insist that it's not on the menu. Tell them that you think it looks great and you would love to try it. Eventually they will tell you that you can try it, but you'll need to place a special order.

3. Place Order

Once you get the workers to let you in on their secret, you'll need to figure out how to order it. If you order the secret menu item at the register, they will tell you that it doesn't exist. What you need to do is write down the order on a piece of paper and slip it to the chef when nobody else is looking. Then you need to go around to the back door and wait. When it's ready, the chef will leave it in a bag on the back doorstep, and you slip your cash under the door.

In the bag will be your dog meat, cooked in teriyaki sauce and served over fried rice. Out of consideration for the restaurant, you shouldn't tell anyone that you know about this. Keep the secret close to your heart, as you are now a member of an elite society of Chinese food eaters. As a courtesy, whenever you find a stray dog you should bring it to the restaurant. In return they will shower you generously with free meals.